Insomnia Thoughts
by Sharon Groves
Here are a few vignettes:
One: Why Self Improvement is a False Flag. I wrote before that self improvement is a turning away from self, that it confirms and reconfirms a brokenness at the core and is built upon shame and loathing. Self improvement licks a wound of unworthiness. We strive to make ourselves better to arm against being seen in our vulnerabilities. So then the core wound becomes more and more despised. Self improvement is tied deeply to individualism. It is a belief that our brokenness cannot be held by others or by our truer self. This is why family systems work is so important because it calls beloved the parts in us that have been despised. What is critical is the practices of deep love of our parts because without that we end up in a self-defeating relationship where we are despising the parts of us that most need attending, that most need love. There is no way through but through and the only way through is to befriend the parts of us that are broken.
Two: Why Working in Collectives Matters. We need to build trust for our survival. We cannot survive isolated and on our own. The idea that we can retreat from others is the myth perpetuated on us by white supremacy culture and by systems of domination. At the core of this myth is the idea that the messiness of the human connection–the place where I need something from you and you need something from me–can be bypassed by material acquisitions, by policing the barriers of the good people and the bad people, or by striving for self-sufficiency. When we overlay this myth onto an understanding of our personality structures we see patterns of behavior that trap us and isolate us. Those traps as we see them are: scarcity, individualism, and superiority. All of us have strong tendencies toward one of these traps (even if they are masked by the seeming opposite–false abundance, dependence, and inferiority). These traps keep us isolated, alone, untrusting and deprived of human community. They are the building block for the idea that lives are disposable and easily cast aside. It is what makes war, genocide, sexual abuse, torture, slavery possible. At a core and basic level, it deprives us of the very need that we have to rely on each other for our survival. There is no way through but through and the only way to heal is to ask others to hold our burdens with us as we hold those of others.
Three: Death is Necessary for Rebirth. Our systems of isolation and our own protective mechanisms to survive in those systems have failed us. At different times and at different stages, we as a species are waking up to that failure. The remedies we grasp for are far different and some threaten total annihilation. But what also is true and is being uncovered around the globe is that masks we have been hiding behind are no longer protecting us. When masks no longer protect us we have to face death and the fear of death. Just as with parts work, with global parts work we can mourn what is lost when illusions of safety die away. There is no way through but through and mourning the death of who we have been is necessary for becoming something new.
Four: The Life Spirit Beacons Us. The spirit works in the realm of death and life. When masks are dropped or ripped away, it is possible to see something else underneath. The spirit is always there but we feel it when we need it most and it calls on us to be what is most needed at a given time. In the language of the enneagram we understand the spirit as the holy idea. All of us have access to a deep spiritual power and we can be guided and inspired by this in ourselves and in each other. We can lean into our own spiritual wisdom and the spiritual wisdom that is unfolding in others around us with the knowledge that there is no one guru, one spiritual awakened leader, but we are needed to access our particular connection to the divine.
Here is just a snippet of the ways the spiritual life beacons us.
Holy Love: the idea that every creature is loveable and every creature is love itself. Everything feels full of light and color and beauty. Everything has a profound energy force that guides without judgement but has deep inner clarity for the way of what needs to be done.
Holy Truth: witnessing tha essence exists and that is true. Understanding at the higher minds perspective that we are all essence. In touch with the subtle, abstract realms of reality. A capacity to hold abstract truth.
Holy Perfection: (perfection of the moment): The realization of the higher mind. Everything is right, right now. The recognition that there is no point in seeing perfection of where we are right now. Creation is perfect; not us. We can allow for the difference and the capacity to accept how things are.
Holy Will and Holy Freedom: The understanding that everything that happens is the will of the divine. With this understanding is a freedom at the spiritual level to allow a higher movement of awareness and consciousness happening.
Holy Harmony, Holy Law and Holy Hope: Understanding of the harmonious unfolding of the universe. Can see the quality of creation with each part in sync with all the rest. There is a deep understanding that we should not make things happen prematurely. Holy Law: nothing will finish the way that it has started. The understanding that there is no straight line in nature. When there is a shock point, where things shift abruptly, we can understand it as holy law and adapt to the change. Holy hope is the capacity to stay still and look at things happening and engage in movement only when appropriate because we can trust the holy harmony in things.
Holy Origin: Connecting back to source. Seeing that I came from source and I have always been and will always be connected to source. We have come from primordial soup from the beginning of time. Holy origin is the one and only answer to find what is missing. It is the understanding that we belong and always have belonged. Everyone and every other creature of creation is connected and belongs
Holy Transparence and Holy Omnipidence: Vision of a greater reality. The one of seeing how everything works. A capacity of understanding the reasons why and especially how. The capacity to see the beauty of all things working not just in themselves but in connection to everything else. An understanding of one system is an understanding of the whole. Nothing is disconnected. Sensing the most profound codependency of everything.
Holy Strength and Holy Faith: Understanding ways into essence. Holy strength is what one feels after we know we are spirit. Nothing can harm who we are. Strength has to do with an understanding that we are not our personality, not thoughts, not our bodies, not our sensations. When we know this we are inherently strong. We are souls on a journey and there is nothing that can end our spiritual journey. In holy faith we do what is needed rather than in doubt. We are in touch with a lack of fear and doubt. We have always been and will always be deeply protected.
Holy Wisdom, Holy Work and Holy Plan: These ideas relate to the unfolding of the universe. The expansion and subtraction of the universe and the knowing that everything is happening out of that unfolding. The capacity to see that what is happening now at any given moment is necessarily the shortest path for growth. The wisdom of receiving what life is giving us without questioning. Whatever is happening now is the one and only thing that I need. Each moment is a precious gift. Holy work is the understanding that wisdom is the divine’s work. The start of the unfolding of the universe is what IS the life’s plan and mission. Saying yes to life’s plan for me.
In a new order we can more than just glimpse the holy ideas but can orient toward the courageous core goodness of all of us and find ways to reinvest in each other at the heart, the mind and the body.
